Blog

What’s up with my angry dreams?

A letter from a client. (Name changed for privacy.)

Hey PJ,

I meditate daily on the music and I listened to half of the audio book you said I should read, the other half is still to come. I like it a lot. It’s very interesting. It feels a bit like voyeurism. Is it good to know all this already? Because of the meditation I feel very sharp and I like that a lot. It’s easy to “be my self” and that’s great. I definitely feel the difference and this is for sure the way to go. Many thanks for that, meditation in this way is doable and very effective. 

What I also feel and experience is the following: I used to have this very irritating pressure/pain right under my diaphragm, right in the middle, which is back now. It’s very painful and gets in the way cuz this is the area where I normally get my intuition from. I feel very tired and wiped out because of it. I have it time to time, but now it came back and it’s very intense. It feels like it comes from the meditation since it comes from very deep. Is that possible? How can we stop it, any idea?

Also, I have many dreams in which I’m very angry, mostly at people around me like my parents. I don’t know where it comes from. Could it have anything to do with getting deep into my self/the vortex?

Best and thank you so much for everything,

John

Hi John,

Yes! It is good you feel you know this already! You’re being reminded of what you’ve always know, but didn’t trust yourself to know what you knew. Bravo for recognizing this! You’re trusting yourself more now, rather than doubting yourself, you’re feeling a knowing that you know what you know! That’s all self-confidence is: trusting that you know what you know. Self-confidence doesn’t make you closed off to know more, or not open to learn more, or feel you’re right about everything. Self-confidence is not egotistical, or arrogant. Self-confidence is simply knowing what you do know, and trusting yourself with what you know, as you remain open to more.

What’s happening is normal when someone’s energy system is opening and clearing, as yours is now. The meditation exercise is opening your channel to your broader self, the part of you that connects most directly to All That Is, which brings you that feeling of sharpness, aliveness. As you keep practicing you’ll grow even more connected with even clearer intuition than ever before.  More life force is moving through you now. That’s what you’re feeling, and that’s good! But more life force flowing faster through a still somewhat restricted channel can cause you feel tired. More about that later.

In regard to your dreams, what’s happening is that your body and inner self are working through some old stuff, and doing it through your dreams. It’s very common to have unusual dreams during this process. The dreams tell you what kind of energy you’ve been holding onto, though we already knew it was anger. Your body has been holding that buried anger, and now your body is in the process of releasing it, through your dreams.

See, the body cannot let go of or transform energy that we hold in denial. Denied energy is therefore held for us in our bodies, until it can be released. Energy seeks to be released through expression. But it cannot release what we don’t allow ourselves to feel. When we have a feeling that we judge or deny, the energy of that feeling gets stuffed down to be held by the body. And we go our merry way, pretending it isn’t there. To release anger energy, you must express it, which means you must allow yourself to feel the anger without judgement. It’s tricky in our current society, where anger is deemed a bad emotion, where we are taught to not feel angry, or when we do, that we must chastise ourselves for it, somehow move past it without allowing ourselves to feel it, let alone express it! As children, when we feel angry we let it out, right? We scream and cry. We throw a fit. But when we are told that we are bad or wrong for expressing anger, we are taught to shame ourselves for feeling angry, we hold in our anger, we don’t allow it to express, which it MUST do in order to release. This is how anger energy gets stuck in our bodies. Is it no wonder many people are walking around seething, ready to explode at the slightest provocation. All that shamed anger is built up inside them like a volcano. Held long enough, unexpressed anger makes the body ache, or worse, sick. Sometimes very sick.

When animals, other than humans, need to release energy, they do so, in the moment. For example, when a deer has a close call after being chased by a lion, the deer will find a place to lie down, shake, or in some way release the fear energy that built up during the chase. That energy that saved the deer’s life is no longer needed, and it must be released, so the deer releases it through expression. We humans don’t allow ourselves that natural process of release. We almost get into an accident while driving, or a stressful situation at work, or something else happens that causes our fight or flight response to activate, we just tell ourselves to “buck up and push through it.” “Be a man!” We tell ourselves and each other that it’s weak to allow our emotions to express. That’s a load of harmful nonsense. It keeps us out of touch with our intuition, affects our health, we don’t allow ourselves to process emotions as our bodies were designed to.

Dreams are one way your Inner Being helps you to release held emotions. As you feel them in your dreams, you express them. As you express them, you release pressure on the valve, the release process is harmless. Dreams are also one way we learn new things, new ways of being. Whether we remember our dreams or not, we all take what we have learned and practiced in our sleep into our waking life, though we are not consciously aware that this is what’s happening. Your dreams allow you to live out different scenarios, experiences, that teach you things, give you outlets for release of unwanted energy. All this is being done on an energetic level, so our dreams don’t always make sense to us, because energy works on a physical and emotional level, not an intellectual level.

You might want to keep a dream journal, write them down. Months from now, you can reread them. It can be quite astonishing to read through old dreams, knowing how far you’ve come. It’s likely you’ll see connections you can’t see now. You might even have an ah-ha moment while reading your dream journal. Things get clearer once you’ve arrived. Dreams can also help you become more consciously aware of your deep beliefs.

So, don’t be alarmed by your angry dreams, it is part of a healing process. Don’t judge yourself as bad or wrong. Tell yourself in the morning that you did a good job in your sleep, you released some pent up old anger you were holding, and you did it safely with no negative consequences. Well done! Your Inner Being is working on your behalf!

The more of the old anger energy that is released in your dreams, the more space will have open up for compassion and intuition and connection with yourself and others. Practice having compassion for yourself as you are clearing out those areas where you’ve held unexpressed anger energy in your body, and evolving into who you want to be.

We’ll talk about this in our next session, I can guide you through an exercise to help you. Your energy is moving faster now. That’s good.

The tiredness is your body is a signal. Your body is telling you what it needs. Give it what it is asking for. Your body has held onto a lot of stuff for you for a long time, it’s been a good soldier, but it can only hold so much, and now it’s literally in pain from holding it. Do not shame your body for asking for more rest, don’t push it to do more right now. Instead, listen to your body, allow yourself the extra rest. Give your body your kindness and compassion. When we don’t listen to our body when it asks for what it needs, it tries its best to carry on, and it may carry on for years, decades, holding what needs to release until it can’t go on. The body has no language, no way of telling you what it needs, except through physical feelings. It’s like how a baby cries because it has no other way of communicating that something is wrong. Though, unlike a baby, there are other ways of receiving information from your body that help you understand what it needs. Intuition is one way of hearing what your body has to say.

Here’s one way to use your intuition to communicate with your body: When you feel the physical pain, Sit down for a quiet moment. Take a deep breath. Focus your attention on where you feel the pain.  Ask your body (in your mind), “what are you trying to tell me?” Listen. See what comes up. What does your intuition tell you? You may get an answer, a feeling, a memory, something that is a clue, and you may have a knowing as to what would be best to do about it. If you do, don’t doubt it, however vague, follow it, and see what happens. If you get no answer, that’s okay, I’ll help you with it in our next session. Until then, you already know your body is wanting more rest, go give it. It’s no coincidence that your body is crying out for rest, and your dreams are releasing held anger. Be easy with yourself right now. Now it not the time to be pushing yourself to your limits! It’s all connected, and it’s all part of your process to get you to where you want to be. Allow this releasing process now, and the results will be a clearing and opening of our intuition like you’ve never known, which will then guide you to where you want to go very fast! That’s what you said you wanted, and everything that’s happening is happening to give you that.

Be kind with yourself and your body right now.

Warmest regards,

p.j.

The Magic of Hitting Bottom

We humans have a strong tendency to wait to initiate dramatic change in our lives until we feel we can no longer go on as we’ve been going on. Often, we wait until we hit our own personal bottom, or what feels like a kind of bottom, for us. We wait until we feel very unhappy, miserable, about something. Or everything.  We wait to act until we feel the full force of that bottom hard beneath our feet, or ass. That’s when we wake up, decide to decide, make a decision, because the bottom is where we are most inspired to be decisive.

It’s normal.

If you’re feeling your own personal bottom right now, I know how uncomfortable that is.  You’re not alone. A couple decades ago, I not only hit what felt like my own personal bottom, I rode it like a bucking bronco. I road it until it threw me to the ground and stomped my guts out. I actually had to hit THAT hard, and then do it over and over again, before I finally woke up and did something about it.

Hitting bottom sucks, but here’s the good news: hitting bottom puts you in better shape than you think. Why? Because although it sucks, it’s where magic happens. It’s where we humans make our most powerful decisions. Decisions are powerful creators.

The bottom is different for everyone. It’s that place where you feel lost, confused, don’t know where to go from here. You might feel it after the loss of a job, or a home, a partner, or a loved one. You might feel it because of an accident, or ill health, or some other unwanted experience that makes you feel like you’re at the bottom of a deep well. It doesn’t have to be a specific experience, it can be feeling fed up with yourself, or a moment in time when you think you can no longer go on as you have been. You might say, “I can’t take it any more!” or, “This has got to stop! Now!” or, “I can’t go on like this!” or, “Why do I always do this?!” Or you may feel like you’re walking a winding road to nowhere, or descending into despair and depression. You may feel intolerable pain, grief, or powerlessness.

You want things to be better. You NEED things to be better. You need a change. You just don’t know how to make it happen. Maybe you’ve tried, a lot, but it’s done little or no good. You may be wondering if you will ever be happy, if you will ever feel in control of your life. If things can ever be different.

Do you want to be one of those people who wakes up every morning happy to be alive? Do you want to feel inspired, excited by and about life? Do you want to feel you hold your destiny in your own hands, not a slave to someone else’s agenda? You may be beating yourself up for not having figured yet how to get there.

If this sounds like you, I want you to know something. Something important. I want you to know that you’re in luck. That’s right. I say luck, and what I mean is, if you’re feeling you’re hitting bottom, then you’re in THE most powerful place you’ll ever be.

Truth (with a capital T): THE BOTTOM IS A MAGICAL PLACE WHERE YOU CAN PUSH OFF AND RISE QUICKER THAN IF YOU’D NEVER TOUCHED IT.

I’ve know a lot of people who started out depressed, in despair, and then turned their life around. There’s no better place from which to rocket to the top. And why is that? Because there is nothing that motivates change more than feeling you’ve hit bottom. Nothing focuses your attention so much. Look around. You see it all the time. Going from rags to riches is easier than going from meh to wherever. So take heart, and laser your focus, and watch what happens.

If you’re reading this, and it’s not you who feels the bottom rising fast towards you, but a loved one, then know this: You may feel a sense of responsibility watching a love one’s descent. Like a spotter for a deep sea diver, you watch with fear: fear the diver will touch bottom, fear you aren’t holding the tether tight enough. Ass the diver dives, you jerk on the tether, drawing the diver up just enough so the they don’t reach the bottom, where epiphanies happen. You expect the diver to climb back up the tether, but they rarely do. A diver may need to feel that bottom, needs something to push off of in order to rise. Don’t allow your fear to rob the diver of their epiphanies. Don’t hold the diver dangles in agony, inches from the bottom, flailing around in the darkness.

As loved ones, we can learn how to be good spotters for the diver, without robbing them of the experience of finding the treasure at the bottom. A good spotter keeps an eye on the tether as the diver descends, questions the descent, but if the diver is determined to go there, the spotter allows the diver to feel the force of the bottom on his feet, and then reaches out a hand to help the diver rise when they decide to push off for the surface. If they don’t push off, then the spotter can reel them in against their will, but to do so before the diver feels the bottom usually results in the diver going down again. To deny the diver the experience of touching the bottom out of fear is to deny the diver the opportunity to choose change, to choose life, to choose to rise to the surface and survive. To deny any diver that is hell-bent on reaching the bottom, the experience of feeling the bottom usually only causes the diver to struggle harder and harder to reach it. If this sounds cruel to you, to allow the diver to descend until they choose to come back up, think about all the success stories you’ve ever heard about people who turned their life around after hitting bottom. (Robert Downey Jr.; Walt Disney; Tim Allen, who famously said, “Sometimes you have to hit bottom to know where to go.” Just to name a few).

The bottom is where you find compassion and humility. The bottom causes one to really focus and take responsibility. The bottom is where one learns how to simplify, to let go of what’s not working. The bottom is where one’s greatest wisdom is born, and one’s greatest depth and courage.

So, if you are feeling your bottom right now, you can reach for relief in the simple act of focusing on gratitude. Make a list of what you are grateful for, right now, in this moment. Read the list. Read it again. Add to it. Keep adding to it. Now you are pushing off the bottom and moving upward.

I want my Tao Te Ching

Today I looked at my Facebook page. My feed was a flood of fear and anger about Trump. And within seconds I felt angry and fearful, too. A few more minutes and I felt knocked down > frustrated > angry > powerless. 

What had I done? Why did I do it? I knew better! Maybe I needed the practice. I don’t know. What I DO know is that I allowed my vibration to be hijacked. And I knew what I had to do about it. I had to slip back behind the wheel of my own well-being. Being swept up in a torrent of sadness, anger, powerlessness, depression… none of that was going to be helpful, to me or anyone else. Plus, when it’s your job to guide others toward their own well-being, allowing a vibrational hijacking to go on doesn’t just effect me, it effects my ability to serve my clients, and I knew that simply would not do.

Now, don’t get me wrong, there have been, and will be, times when I have purposefully lowered my vibration, or allowed it to lower, in order to deal with something. There can be times when it can help to dig in a bit to release some unwanted belief. And there are times when I will assist a client in doing this work for their own benefit, for a specific purpose. But this was not one of those times! This was a hijacking, which is very different from intentionally exploring an unwanted belief in order to transform it.

So what do you do when something like this happens? What do you do when you feel your vibration has been hijacked? I have a variety of tools and tricks for such situations, and this time I turned to one of my favorites, one of my big guns, one that always works for me, always brings me back to what I know.

I picked up the well-worn copy of my favorite take on the Tao Te Ching, by Stephen Mitchell and did my fun little ritual.

Here’s the little ritual I like to do with this book: I hold the book closed between my palms. I make a conscious connection with my inner being. I state my intention. I ask for guidance. I let the book fall open. I read what is there.

Today, setting my intention and request for guidance sounded something like this: I am looking for guidance, a pointer in the right direction, clarity about this issue. What is the issue? No, wait a minute, (I stopped when I notice that as I said the word “issue” I felt… not quite right. Heavy. So I looked for a better word to describe what I was wanting, a word that felt better. Challenge, I decide, that was a better feeling word to me in that moment. So I changed the word and continued…) What is this challenge?  This challenge of LETTING ALL THE CRAZY TRUMP NEWS ON FACEBOOK THROW ME OFF BALANCE! 

I don’t remember exactly every word I thought, but it was something like that. The important thing is I took my time plucking the words that felt best and stated my true intention as carefully and clearly as I could, and when I noticed that the word “issue” didn’t feel right, I chose another word.  

I then thumbed through the book (the binding on my copy is too stiff for it to just fall open, so I thumb through, without reading or cherry picking). I flipped chunks of pages back and forth until I felt a place that felt right, while not making too big a deal out of it, just followed my instincts, then I let go and opened the book.

This is what I read:

73

The Tao is always at ease.

It overcomes without competing,

answers without speaking a word,

arrives without being summoned,

accomplishes without a plan.

Its net covers the whole universe.

And though its meshes are wide,

it doesn’t let a thing slip through.

I pondered these words, read them again, and pondered some more.

What came to me was a much deeper understanding of the dynamic I am playing with in all this, and the choices I have before me. There will always be contrast. I can join the cry of “Resist! Resist! Fight! Fight!” Or, I can hold a place for the light I want to see more of in the world. I can choose to fear Trump, and anticipated horrors to come, or I can focus my attention on the marvelous way so many people, people who may have never felt so motivated before, are now outwardly expressing love, and promoting oneness, and showing deep compassion, and coming together to share love and shine their loving energy on humankind. I knew I had a choice: give my attention to what is unwanted, or focus on what I want and be a vibrational match for it and hold that place within myself so I could be of greater service to others.

Regardless of who agrees with me and who doesn’t, I know how the laws of the universe work. It is not by blind faith that I have learned what I know, I have put it to the test, over and over.

Yes, I had a choice, and I knew that if I want to be of service to others I would have to attend to my vibration first, and foremost, or I would not be much help to anyone.

So I turned my attention to the unprecedented outpouring of love also happening in the world in response to Trumpism. All the random acts of kindness I had see reported lately in the news. All the heroes. All the people standing up for love and compassion. And as I thought about all this, a confidence and peacefulness came over me. I felt a renewed awareness about the purpose and power of contrast, and how this, too, was an opportunity to choose love. Words are insufficient to describe what happened next, but I’ll try. I felt lighter. I felt more compassion. I felt safe. I felt fearless. I felt empowered. I felt what I had been reaching for when I reached for the Tao Te Ching. And now I knew I could do my part from a place of strength and clarity. No fear. 

And then a tune started playing in my head. The words “I want my Tao Te Ching” to the tune of the final riff from Dire Straights Money for Nothing, and I started laughing out loud.

p.j.

And now, a smiley moment:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kd9TlGDZGkI