A letter from a client. (Name changed for privacy.)
I meditate daily on the music and I listened to half of the audio book you said I should read, the other half is still to come. I like it a lot. It’s very interesting. It feels a bit like voyeurism. Is it good to know all this already? Because of the meditation I feel very sharp and I like that a lot. It’s easy to “be my self” and that’s great. I definitely feel the difference and this is for sure the way to go. Many thanks for that, meditation in this way is doable and very effective.
What I also feel and experience is the following: I used to have this very irritating pressure/pain right under my diaphragm, right in the middle, which is back now. It’s very painful and gets in the way cuz this is the area where I normally get my intuition from. I feel very tired and wiped out because of it. I have it time to time, but now it came back and it’s very intense. It feels like it comes from the meditation since it comes from very deep. Is that possible? How can we stop it, any idea?
Also, I have many dreams in which I’m very angry, mostly at people around me like my parents. I don’t know where it comes from. Could it have anything to do with getting deep into my self/the vortex?
Best and thank you so much for everything,
Yes! It is good you feel you know this already! You’re being reminded of what you’ve always know, but didn’t trust yourself to know what you knew. Bravo for recognizing this! You’re trusting yourself more now, rather than doubting yourself, you’re feeling a knowing that you know what you know! That’s all self-confidence is: trusting that you know what you know. Self-confidence doesn’t make you closed off to know more, or not open to learn more, or feel you’re right about everything. Self-confidence is not egotistical, or arrogant. Self-confidence is simply knowing what you do know, and trusting yourself with what you know, as you remain open to more.
What’s happening is normal when someone’s energy system is opening and clearing, as yours is now. The meditation exercise is opening your channel to your broader self, the part of you that connects most directly to All That Is, which brings you that feeling of sharpness, aliveness. As you keep practicing you’ll grow even more connected with even clearer intuition than ever before. More life force is moving through you now. That’s what you’re feeling, and that’s good! But more life force flowing faster through a still somewhat restricted channel can cause you feel tired. More about that later.
In regard to your dreams, what’s happening is that your body and inner self are working through some old stuff, and doing it through your dreams. It’s very common to have unusual dreams during this process. The dreams tell you what kind of energy you’ve been holding onto, though we already knew it was anger. Your body has been holding that buried anger, and now your body is in the process of releasing it, through your dreams.
See, the body cannot let go of or transform energy that we hold in denial. Denied energy is therefore held for us in our bodies, until it can be released. Energy seeks to be released through expression. But it cannot release what we don’t allow ourselves to feel. When we have a feeling that we judge or deny, the energy of that feeling gets stuffed down to be held by the body. And we go our merry way, pretending it isn’t there. To release anger energy, you must express it, which means you must allow yourself to feel the anger without judgement. It’s tricky in our current society, where anger is deemed a bad emotion, where we are taught to not feel angry, or when we do, that we must chastise ourselves for it, somehow move past it without allowing ourselves to feel it, let alone express it! As children, when we feel angry we let it out, right? We scream and cry. We throw a fit. But when we are told that we are bad or wrong for expressing anger, we are taught to shame ourselves for feeling angry, we hold in our anger, we don’t allow it to express, which it MUST do in order to release. This is how anger energy gets stuck in our bodies. Is it no wonder many people are walking around seething, ready to explode at the slightest provocation. All that shamed anger is built up inside them like a volcano. Held long enough, unexpressed anger makes the body ache, or worse, sick. Sometimes very sick.
When animals, other than humans, need to release energy, they do so, in the moment. For example, when a deer has a close call after being chased by a lion, the deer will find a place to lie down, shake, or in some way release the fear energy that built up during the chase. That energy that saved the deer’s life is no longer needed, and it must be released, so the deer releases it through expression. We humans don’t allow ourselves that natural process of release. We almost get into an accident while driving, or a stressful situation at work, or something else happens that causes our fight or flight response to activate, we just tell ourselves to “buck up and push through it.” “Be a man!” We tell ourselves and each other that it’s weak to allow our emotions to express. That’s a load of harmful nonsense. It keeps us out of touch with our intuition, affects our health, we don’t allow ourselves to process emotions as our bodies were designed to.
Dreams are one way your Inner Being helps you to release held emotions. As you feel them in your dreams, you express them. As you express them, you release pressure on the valve, the release process is harmless. Dreams are also one way we learn new things, new ways of being. Whether we remember our dreams or not, we all take what we have learned and practiced in our sleep into our waking life, though we are not consciously aware that this is what’s happening. Your dreams allow you to live out different scenarios, experiences, that teach you things, give you outlets for release of unwanted energy. All this is being done on an energetic level, so our dreams don’t always make sense to us, because energy works on a physical and emotional level, not an intellectual level.
You might want to keep a dream journal, write them down. Months from now, you can reread them. It can be quite astonishing to read through old dreams, knowing how far you’ve come. It’s likely you’ll see connections you can’t see now. You might even have an ah-ha moment while reading your dream journal. Things get clearer once you’ve arrived. Dreams can also help you become more consciously aware of your deep beliefs.
So, don’t be alarmed by your angry dreams, it is part of a healing process. Don’t judge yourself as bad or wrong. Tell yourself in the morning that you did a good job in your sleep, you released some pent up old anger you were holding, and you did it safely with no negative consequences. Well done! Your Inner Being is working on your behalf!
The more of the old anger energy that is released in your dreams, the more space will have open up for compassion and intuition and connection with yourself and others. Practice having compassion for yourself as you are clearing out those areas where you’ve held unexpressed anger energy in your body, and evolving into who you want to be.
We’ll talk about this in our next session, I can guide you through an exercise to help you. Your energy is moving faster now. That’s good.
The tiredness is your body is a signal. Your body is telling you what it needs. Give it what it is asking for. Your body has held onto a lot of stuff for you for a long time, it’s been a good soldier, but it can only hold so much, and now it’s literally in pain from holding it. Do not shame your body for asking for more rest, don’t push it to do more right now. Instead, listen to your body, allow yourself the extra rest. Give your body your kindness and compassion. When we don’t listen to our body when it asks for what it needs, it tries its best to carry on, and it may carry on for years, decades, holding what needs to release until it can’t go on. The body has no language, no way of telling you what it needs, except through physical feelings. It’s like how a baby cries because it has no other way of communicating that something is wrong. Though, unlike a baby, there are other ways of receiving information from your body that help you understand what it needs. Intuition is one way of hearing what your body has to say.
Here’s one way to use your intuition to communicate with your body: When you feel the physical pain, Sit down for a quiet moment. Take a deep breath. Focus your attention on where you feel the pain. Ask your body (in your mind), “what are you trying to tell me?” Listen. See what comes up. What does your intuition tell you? You may get an answer, a feeling, a memory, something that is a clue, and you may have a knowing as to what would be best to do about it. If you do, don’t doubt it, however vague, follow it, and see what happens. If you get no answer, that’s okay, I’ll help you with it in our next session. Until then, you already know your body is wanting more rest, go give it. It’s no coincidence that your body is crying out for rest, and your dreams are releasing held anger. Be easy with yourself right now. Now it not the time to be pushing yourself to your limits! It’s all connected, and it’s all part of your process to get you to where you want to be. Allow this releasing process now, and the results will be a clearing and opening of our intuition like you’ve never known, which will then guide you to where you want to go very fast! That’s what you said you wanted, and everything that’s happening is happening to give you that.
Be kind with yourself and your body right now.